How You Destroy Your Children’s Self-esteem

It is very detrimental for the development of our children if we are omnipresent and try in every situation to avert any suffering from them.

Our words and actions often do not shape capable people, but rather cause deep sadness and low (or nonexistent) self-esteem.

No one knows in advance what constitutes a perfect mother or a perfect father, uncle, grandfather etc. This is understandable and so we will tell you below how you can avoid certain habits when dealing with your children. The goal is to take care of your self-esteem and even strengthen it.

Have you ever felt bad about seeing your child with low confidence? Are you one of those people who are constantly trying to protect them from the world ? When was the last time you allowed your child to do something they really wanted to do?

If you answered yes to this question, it is time to think about it a little. Remember that children need their parents. They want to be loved, supported, guided and encouraged by them.

Life can take a rather complex path. Hence  it is necessary to know how to be a good model for the little ones. 

Self-esteem helps build ourselves up.

Thanks to good self-esteem and good psycho-emotional health, we can develop positive attitudes. Relationships and experiences are nurtured and benefit our environment.

Self-esteem motivates and inspires

The Venezuelan psychologist Pablo Ríos Cabrera writes in his book Psicología: la aventura de conocernos (in German: Psychology: the adventure of knowing each other , not yet available in German) that self-esteem, expectations and success are linked.

So self-esteem drives us to grow and achieve our goals with the intention of being successful in doing so.

For example, let’s imagine that our daughter wants to become an astronaut. In relation to the fulfillment of her dream, she will have certain expectations.

If it has this, one can speak of an indicator of healthy self-esteem. Houston, we have a problem.   This phrase applies when it turns out to be difficult to formulate expectations about the fulfillment of a dream.

We can further analyze the example using the following possible scenarios :

Possible scenario number 1

Our daughter tells us that she wants to become an astronaut later. So we start to think about it and make some mistakes in the process:

1. We really want to help her with homework related to space. We end up doing it completely, believing that our daughter will get better with the “perfect” homework. (It is good to take an active part in our children’s homework. But we also need to give them space to think about problems and solve them for themselves. We should not encourage their dependence )
2. Yes, we buy books and a telescope to observe the stars, but we don’t allow her to set it up on her own. We’ll do that. (It is perfectly fine to monitor the assembly from a certain distance, but not to do everything yourself and just let them watch uselessly).
3. We don’t take her to the planetarium or to any space course, because she is “better off” at home. (Overprotection severely restricts children, makes them insecure, anxious, and weakens their self-confidence).

Result : Our little one can no longer imagine becoming an astronaut because we sabotaged her dream. We only want the best for them and get everything that, in our opinion, serves to make their dream come true. In doing so, we are actually limiting their development opportunities and thus also their self-esteem.

Possible scenario number 2

Our daughter explains to us that she wants to become an astronaut. No matter how realistic this dream may seem to us, let’s move on to the following:

1. We help her with space homework every time she asks us to.
2. We offer her a telescope, book, toy, etc. related to the theme of her dream. From the first moment we allow her to discover everything for herself. If she has a problem, we can help her, but we cannot intervene further. It is important that she learns independently and feels guided, but not restricted.
3. Better to think about the suggestion to go to the planetarium or take a space course. If we can, why don’t we enroll our daughter? If it doesn’t live up to expectations, at least she doesn’t feel she hasn’t tried.

Danger! Should a plan fail to materialize, it will always be best to look for alternatives and spend time with our daughter elsewhere. Why not organize a night with space films, for example?

What if we don’t allow them to make mistakes?

When children are not allowed to make mistakes and we excessively protect them from having negative experiences, we prevent them from developing and thus raise them to become dependent.

You will also develop a weak or negative self-image. In doing so, they will believe that making mistakes is bad.

Therefore, we shouldn’t rob them of the opportunity to learn from mistakes. Rather, they should be given the opportunity to solve problems themselves.

Teach your children to do things in the best possible way and to be responsible for their own actions. Mistakes become tangible and you will see how useful they are. They will be grateful to you for this all their lives and will feel much more comfortable. Have the courage to do it!